A Bit of Typo and Blooper Humor: Church Ladies with Typewriters

Knowing that I absolutely adore and regularly share pictures of signs with typos and awkward grammar on Grammar Chic’s Facebook page, my mom recently forwarded to me a very funny email that showcased the bloopers and typos delivered by church ladies in the bulletins they composed to their congregations.  Since I got a laugh, I figured that this might also give you a chuckle or two and be a break from my normal posts about content marketing, resumes, press releases, and the like.  (I suppose we can take a grammar lesson or two away from the sentences listed below.)  I would also love to know which ones are your favorites! (I highlighted mine.)

Some Very Funny Church Lady Typos:

• The fasting and prayer conference includes meals.
• The sermon this morning: “Jesus walks on the water.”  The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
• Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale.  It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Bring your husbands.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.  Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
• Don’t let worry kill you off—let the church help.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• For those of you have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.  They need all the help they can get.
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music will follow.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?”  Come early and listen to our choir practice.
• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
• Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00p.m.—prayer and medication to follow.
• The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.  They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
• This evening at 7pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church.  Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the fellowship hall after the B.S. is done.
• The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm.  Please use the back door. (I think this one is the best!)
• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7pm.  The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance.
• The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours!”

Some of these bloopers were so funny, I cried, and it also brought back a fond memory of when I was about ten years old and helped my mom write out place cards for a church dinner.  In the process, I had happily (and unintentionally) renamed one of the church choir members “Clearance” (His name was Clarence).  Of course, it wasn’t noticed until the minister was handing out the place cards, announcing each one as he went (and this became a running joke for some time because of moi).

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